Jim Fay Memorial Scholarship--FYI

Teachers at Bailey's Elementary School, a K-5 Fairfax County Public School, started a scholarship for students with financial need. The scholarship will be awarded to a Bailey's fifth grader and paid directly to his/her higher-level institution through College Access Fairfax, once he/she graduates from high school.

Donations can be made to College Access Fairfax and mailed to Margaret Hall c/o Bailey's Elementary School for the Arts and Sciences, 6111 Knollwood Drive, Falls Church, VA 22041. Margaret manages the fund and is a Bailey's teacher. College Access Fairfax is a non-profit, 501(c)(3) organization. A receipt will be mailed from College Access Fairfax.

The scholarship is named Jim Fay Memorial Scholarship in honor of Jim's many, many years as a volunteer at Bailey's.

Thank you!

Arlington National, Feb. 26

Here are some pictures from the ceremony on Friday.
Hopefully it will work for you to cut and paste this link to view pics:

http://picasaweb.google.com/erinpfay/20100226?authkey=Gv1sRgCO7Y-rzgyf_P6QE#


Thank you so much for those who were able to attend; and if you were not able to come, hopefully this will give you a glimpse-- it was a very nice ceremony.
Erin

Jim Fay's Inurnment--Arlington National Cemetery 2/26

Hi,

The inurnment of Jim Fay will be on Friday, February 26th at 3:00 p.m. at the Arlington National Cemetery. Friends and family are welcome.

Gather at the Administration Building at 2:30 p.m.

Enter via the Memorial Drive entrance and the guards will direct you to Admin. Bldg (near Visitor Center). After the ceremony, please join us at Kath and Dan's house in Annandale. We'll have directions for you that day.

Here is a link with directions to Arlington National Cemetery.

http://www.arlingtoncemetery.org/directions.html

Thank you.

James R Fay, Obituary. Washington Post 2/2/10

There is an obituary about Jim in the Washington Post today, along with a photo "with hair" (as my mother would say).

They moved to Rutherford (where he found Barbara) but he did go to college in Jersey City. And thanks Jerry and John for helping us with the work titles and locations. I think the reporter got it mostly right.

Enjoy!
Kath (for Barbara)

http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/NewsSearch?st=james%20r%20fay&


http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/01/AR2010020103518.html

The Great Man himself

I'm posting this for my technically challenged sister Barbara. She can do text ok but pictures throw her. Barb wanted to share this great picture of Jim as we'd like to remember him.




This picture was taken by my sister Marybeth after Jim's death. It brought great peace and hope to Barb.

Remembering Jim Fay - Eulogy 1/18/2010

Good morning. What a beautiful day! We are here today to celebrate a life well lived….and I want to thank each of you for participating today as we celebrate the life of my father, Jim Fay.

I am Joe Fay, one of 10 children of Jim and Barbara Fay. My parents say that they raised five of us, and they love each of our spouses such that they actually have 10 children. I like to tease Ann that my parents really like her more than me, but that makes sense if you know Ann.

Jim Fay was born December 17, 1936 in New York City. His family moved to Rutherford, New Jersey when he was in high school, and there he met the love of his life.

Their first date was on my mother’s 17th birthday. Let’s rewind a little. On her birthday that year, my grandfather, Pop-Pop, took the family on a trip to visit friends – they drove around for several hours and got lost, finally calling the friends and finding that they weren’t home. None of this is surprising if you knew Pop-Pop. On the way home, Barbara started to cry. My uncle Andy had wisely skipped the trip and was at home with his friend Jimmy when they returned. I’m sure Barbara was mortified when Nana walked into the house, and said: “Jimmy, why don’t you take Barbara out to the movies? – it’s her birthday and she’s feeling sad.” As it turns out Jimmy was eager, and they went on a double date with Andy and his girlfriend Jeanie. They saw James Dean in “East of Eden” and “Rebel Without a Cause”. On the way home this very nice boy, in his bright red V-neck sweater, said let’s stop at the all night bakery and buy Barbara a birthday cake. And that’s what they did and that was the beginning.

A few years later, just before their wedding, Barbara received a call from Kay Fay, my grandmother. She was very concerned, and said something like: “Barbara, you’re such a sweet girl, are you sure you want to marry Jimmy?” If you know my parents well, this makes a kind of sense, Mom has always been a sweet, mature, and gentle soul, and Dad was always more of a work in progress. Luckily for both of them, and all of us, Barbara WAS sure and she and Jim were married, on July 2, 1960; beginning nearly fifty years of one of the most wonderful marriages I have ever seen.

But let’s go back to the work in progress. Dad was 23 when they married, and from the stories my relatives and old friends tell, had been and probably still was, a little bit of a wild one. Dad was fiery and passionate, and funny, and loved a good time. He struggled with a temper early on, and we watched him learn to control it and then mellow over time. I was talking to my brothers and sisters over the last few days, and one of the things we really admire is that Dad consciously set out to improve himself in big ways and small ones – and you could see him change and grow.

He’d often say: “that was the old ME, the new Me doesn’t do that”. Over the 48 years that I’ve known him, there were 152 “New Me’s” – that’s almost 3.2 per year for you statisticians. Whether it was losing weight, anger management, drinking, smoking, exercising, or watching less TV – you could see him set a goal and work towards it. He wasn’t afraid to fail, and each time he’d make progress, fall back a little, and create another “new me”. Two forward, and one back…you get a long way over 73 years.

The only thing he couldn’t overcome, and his grandchildren know this, was his love for ice cream. Jim Fay could eat more ice cream than anyone in this church – a half gallon could easily disappear at a sitting.

More than 30 years ago, Dad came up with a family motto – it’s on the memorial cards today, and you’ve seen it on the banner in the kitchen at 6805 – I think we’re on at least the 3rd iteration of that banner – it says: “Make Time for Others, Keep Peace with Yourself, and Don’t Worry about Useless Things.” This motto guided his life at home and at work.

Dad did important, stressful work – in imagery analysis for the intelligence community. Early in his career, he worked round the clock during the Cuban Missile crisis – an event that gripped the entire country. From 1964 – 1967 he did a tour in Berlin Germany, where my sisters Erin and Kathleen were born. In 1967, the family settled in Falls Church at 6805 Jefferson Avenue, their starter house. Dad left the army, but continued to work in imagery intelligence as a civilian. In 1984, he spent a year as a student at the National War College at Fort McNair and enjoyed the opportunity for reflection, study, and debate with colleagues there. Later, Jim became Chief of the Imagery Directorate of the Intelligence Threat Analysis Center. During Desert Shield and Storm, this group did amazing work, again on a 24/7 basis – work that helped minimize the loss of life during that operation, and work which earned numerous commendations and thanks from those who had been in harms way. Jim was always concerned about the “soldiers on the ground”. And we saw how important this work was to him in some of the recent flashbacks he had as he struggled with chemo and medications.

The work Dad did was classified, so we didn’t hear much about it growing up – but what we could see was the great friends Dad had from work. Whether it was people we knew from Germany and kept in touch with for years, the Brits who rotated through, or the folks who’d come to parties at my parents house or who we’d visit. Over and over again, Dad invited people from work into our lives, and developed these deep lifelong friendships.

In fact, one of the things that stands out about my parents is the great friends that they have. There are too many to list – and I’d be afraid of leaving someone out. One group, THE Group, stands out. Originally a group of couples that got together every month to discuss issues in theology, the church, morality and ethics – the Group evolved into an amazing set of friends who would do anything for each other. Growing up, we had picnics and parties together, and took memorable trips to Canaan Valley and Long Beach Island. 40 years later the Group is still gong strong, and has spun off other gatherings like the ROMEOs (retired old men eating out), and has connected the friends and family of all the members to each other through an interlocking web. My parent’s friends know our whole family -- aunts and uncles, cousins, grandchildren and the whole family knows these friends. Kathleen said it nicely: “In your lives, your family members have been your friends, and your friends have become your family.” These friendships have enriched all of our lives and I know my father cherished them.

At the core, Dad didn’t care about institutions, hierarchy, or rules. What he cared about was people…. “Make time for others”….he was compassionate, empathetic, and taught me to see the other person’s perspective. He and mom taught CCD for 10 years, one year I was in their 7th grade class and we had a party at the house – they served soda, cake and ice cream to half the kids in the class and just water to the other half. I didn’t see it coming and boy was I pissed – but it made you think about what we have, what we take for granted, and what others don’t have.

His grandchildren were the light of his later years. You could see him light up whenever any of them came into the room – and they’d light up too, whenever they saw their “Pop”. When our kids were a year or two old, Ann went back to grad school. Every week for two years, Dad drove up to Delaware and took the kids for a day – he’d arrive by 8 or so, spend the day with the kids, taking them to the park, the zoo, or to Applebee’s for lunch – Jimmy and Colleen loved it, and Dad did too. Later he did the same with Paul before their trip to India. When Mom retired, she wanted in on the action, and they did the same with Willie, Ellen, Finlay, and Andrew. Dad had a great ability to connect with children, to be in the moment with them. And he was a goof – they could paint his toenails, cut his hair, draw a face around his belly button, and moon the petunias with him.

Jim Fay was a handyman, but he was more a “learn as you go handyman” than a natural. And he always asked us to participate in the projects, whether a roof, a shed, remodeling, or car repair. He and Pop-Pop (with a little help) added a kitchen on the back of the house. This was the project where he famously carefully measured and laid out the lines for the foundation, and over the next week or so we dug a beautiful 4 foot trench tracing the outline of the room. When Pop-Pop arrived to do the masonry work, he immediately noticed the trench in the wrong place – we had dug on the wrong side of the lines. There were choice words. In the end we had a day to move the hole and several kids in the neighborhood joined us in the project.

Most projects were envisioned as “10 minute jobs”, especially car repair, whether an oil change, an alternator, or a solenoid switch. In reality, every project required a couple of trips to Trac Auto, and often a call to Fred Beck or Kevin Burke for help and to borrow a tool. In the end, these projects took about 2 hours or so. A lot of funny stories….and I still have no idea what a solenoid switch does, but it worked once and about half the time after that – and it only took about 10 minutes.

Dad loved to make bets – he’d bet on anything. It gave him a way to joke, tease and play with people. He’d bet on football games, basketball games, political races, anything really. Always a dollar, and he’d only bet with friends and family. It was a game. He had season long bets on the Redskins with Keane, Rodilloso and others – he always bet against the Redskins, and they rolled the results from week to week. There’d also be bets to lose weight, a lot of negotiation up front – straight pounds or percent of body weight, weigh-in with or without clothes, and whether medical or only natural diuretics were allowed prior to the final weigh-in. Serious fun. He’d gorge himself prior to the initial weigh-in, and would go to liquids only the last few days to take a few more pounds off. I’m not sure if it was a weight bet or not, but there’s a buck hanging on the wall at home that he won from Vince Keane – he’d tell you it’s not the only dollar he won from Vince, just the only one that Vince paid up on.

They’d bet on anything at work too, and John Mrzglod used this to play a trick on Jim when his security clearance was up for renewal. He got the investigator to play along, and go into Jim’s office and tell him there’s a report that he has a serious gambling problem. Jim says that’s nonsense. The investigator points to the wall behind the desk and asks about the 50 or so dollar bills taped to the wall -- whenever Jim won a bet, he’d tape the dollar bill to the wall……Later Jim comes storming into John’s office asking who the heck could have reported that he had a gambling problem. John smiled and told him, ….and most of you know him well enough to imagine what Jim said next.

Watching Dad over the last few months, and especially visiting with him in the hospital, I was struck again with how he and mom invited people into their lives. They seemed to know everyone, and everyone knew them. Any time a caregiver walked into the room, one of my parents would introduce me to them if we hadn’t met yet. One day I was there when his neurologist came in to examine him. He’d had a terrifying episode where could only speak jibberish for awhile, and she was trying to determine the cause and his current condition. He asked her how her son was doing – it struck me on two levels – 1. that he’d taken an interest in her son and they’d developed this relationship, and 2. that he asked at a time when she was trying to determine whether he had just had a stroke or not.

Dad, you taught us to work, and to give back.
You taught us to strive, and you helped us up when we needed it.
You taught us to laugh, and a spirit of playfulness.
You showed us how to love and to listen; to be a parent and a friend.
Thanks for everything Pop. We love you.

Jim Fay enjoyed, respected, and loved people. He never got too sad at a funeral, because he saw it an event for the living, and as an opportunity to celebrate a life and to remember and to share with those around him. Dad touched a lot of people, all of you in some way, and many others who are not here today. He’ll live on through us in the effect he’s had on us. Thank you for joining us today in this celebration of a life well lived. And please join us after the ceremony to share your stories of Jim Fay.

Addendum for Funeral Monday: Parking Information

On Monday, parking is available at Georgetown Visitation Prepatory School which is a few blocks from Holy Trinity. 1524 35th St. NW. The intersection of 35th Street and Volta Place.

See A Peaceful Journey Home Thursday January 14 for visitation times (Sunday) and funeral information (Monday).